AOD - Fabled Deeds

As seen on Why They're Single, and OKCupid (natch). Presented here with slight editing.

The dragon's name is Dave...

Hey Des,

You asked to be regaled with tales of Fabled Deeds (sort-of, seemed kind of like a dare...) and I haven't done my writing exercises for the evening so I thought I would engage in the regale - as it were. Perhaps you'll indulge me?

I have had the opportunity for many exploits and fabled deeds as I have been on this planet for several hundred years, and I enjoy time travel, so I've seen some pretty crazy stuff, but I'll keep to some highlights for brevity's sake.

To wit:

I once led a Neanderthal army into battle riding a dinosaur. We fought like champions and won the day, although I lost my lucky pocket knife in the battle, which sucked.

In 1978 got into a sword fight in the lobby of the Egerton House (a 5 star hotel in downtown London) with David Niven, and George Hamilton. David stabbed me in the foot (the little bitch), but George ultimately took my side and we persuaded Dave to put down his weapon and come have a drink. Ever since then when I go to that hotel they treat me like a king!

I've never been lost in the mountains of Pakistan, but I have traveled there many times over the years, and once made an entire village roar with laughter, and 4 people cry.

I defeated Pippi Longstocking in arm wrestling. Twice.

And finally -

Once I saved an entire English village from the black plague by running a garden hose from my house in 1973 Escondido CA to a dry spring in 1348 Shamford England (this is entirely possible with access to a wormhole). Told the local priest that it was blessed by an angel so the whole town started drinking and bathing with the chlorinated water and the pestilence was kept at bay...

Yay!

-Xix