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| His name is Hamilton G. Fantomos... |
-Sent to my daughter at summer camp-
Hello sweet peanut!!! I love you and miss you!
So last night my right arm fell off and started crawling around the house and banging on all the windows and stuff. It took forever to catch and stick back on, and by the time I did the stupid thing had managed to break a flower vase and hide my utility knife under the couch. WTF?
Also, there is now a bat living in your bedroom. I named him Larry and he hates cat food. I'd like to teach him to play the banjo or something, but I think he's kind of stupid. So we'll see...
Have fun, and be safe!!!
xxxooo - Xix
Love your brand of humor. What a fantastic piece of mail to receive. Your relationship with your daughter must be excellent.
ReplyDeleteBats will oftentimes fake stupidity as a way to get deeper into the minds of the human subjects they choose for their experiments. It also helps them get better snacks. Many chiroptera enjoy cheese flavored corn-flour snacks (oftentimes referred to as Cheetos) but their tastes are quite diversified.
I used to play chess with a giant golden-crowned flying fox who rather enjoyed Tofurky brand sausages (bratwurst, for the record). He was an excellent chess player but was prone to cheating if he'd had refined sugar. I wouldn't even answer my phone around Halloween for fear he'd be on a toffee bender. Once was enough and I didn't think I'd ever get the sofa clean.
While I can't speak for Larry, most bats I've known prefer the cello over the banjo. Says it helps them maintain their status amongst the goths.
As always, thanks for sharing your brand of madness with us, Xix. You're a credit to the mad genius society.
Well thank you fellow mad genius! Feng Industries certainly owes a lot to the Mad Genius Society - a much more effective (and interesting) august body than those vanity based hacks over at Mensa...
ReplyDeleteThat's a good point about the bat faking being stupid. We may have to pop Larry into one of our enhanced surgical interrogation rigs and boost his sentience a little bit - who knows? Perhaps with the right instrument (cello?) and a little black lipstick he could really go places! No cheetos for him though. He bit my finger. :(